are you my friend?

my last two posts seemed quite depressing. well i am glad its over,
baby and i are great now...
the rainbow in coming
and the lady bugs have been good.
i love you!!!!

as for dance i have come to peace with myself
and i am not gonna be affected by it
i noe i did alot
but she just doesnt see
so whatever
i cannot be bothered.
i have to accept that its not the same
not the same as mrs V
she was great and that was why i liked dance
because of her,
anyways enough of this

my knee kinda hurts
and i am worred its screwed up bad
i cant bend it for long
but i can walk so it'll probably go off soon...

hmmmm i was just thinking the other day...
friends are easy to come by but those who would reali stick with you
are hard to even be found.
i mean in sac things were super diff
i dont know maybe coz we were reali close and all
but no matter how bitchy they can be they still call or check on you
when they noe something isnt right
but here its so diff
its like all you can do is talk
but when it comes to doing nothing happens.

i mean i noe i am not that fantastic as a friend because i noe
that i will go all out but would they do the same for me
so i hesitate coz well i dont think they would
and when she took me out of that role
i actually proved myself right
they wont go all out
or to even know
no one was shocked or sad for me
i mean that was so horrible coz i was the only one freaking out
thanks shaheeda for atleast going with me to ask her
and confirm
and thanks sunitha for atleast saying bye when i went off without saying anything.

maybe i am just a person who sees the smallest things
but to me what you do and say is what makes you
but the next day i came to school and ok so i looked all down and out
so everyone asked whats wrong
and yes thanks rani i know you care and its reali nice

veron i noe i get mad at you most of the time
but thanks girl for trying to cheer me up when you read my posts

......

deepavali pix!!!

okies here are the deepavalli pix!!


this looks damn emo hahahaha
i love this pic but it was super candid and for once veron took a nice pic. she was attempting to take a pic of herself but her skills kinda did something good for onceshadows play!

hahahaha i guessed i smelt reali nice! heheblack and white!!!outside while the little ones played firecrackers! we were supposed to be watching them.

i love this pic!!!

smiley smiley!!! :) i look too innocent!!! ermph!
lalala hahaha hehehe bleah

playing with candles ahahas.

argh!!! hahas i have no idea why but probably too geram!

bdae surprises!

okies so it was our bdae!! baby and mine!
and i had a little party at atays house... i wanted to get the princess ice cream cake
from swensens but they were out and i got thr truffle one instead from some cake shop
then we ordered pizza and lots of pizza! haha i missed baby so much!
wished we could have cut the cake together!
and i would smash it on him!!!
hahahaha hehe!
well i shall let the photos do the talking!


me and veron i guess she just loves to kiss me!
haha baby is jealous!ok i have no idea why i am holding the very small sea shell but hey the pic is niceme and max! he loves to play a weird game of fetch with me! he would run to get his doll or cushion and bite and put it at my feet but he wont want me to take it but wants me to fight with him and try to pry it out of his mouth and then i would play and make him try and get it by throwing it up and down.

me and veron! she isnt such a fantastic photographer!

hahas max preferred his face out of it

again bad photography!

hehes! me and max! but still bad skills veron!

i look gundu but hey its my party so yeah! i got you first with more cake! actually you got me first but with a teeny weeny little piece

haha! firstly the hand infront of me was my little cousins! and he tried to smash cake on me!

my hand that stretching out is smashing cake on another cousin and the other hand is trying to prevent veron from destroying my face and my poor hair...hahas!

hapy 18 to me and 21 to baby!

i love you loads!

pretty bad

Ok so its been pretty bad…
I noe I’ve been reali awful
And not the best girlfriend…
With all you’ve been through I just had to make it worse
Now you’re away and god I hope you’re fine
And that it isn’t serious.
I wish I was there I reali do.
I am here waiting for you to come back…
I love you sooo much!

i miss you boyfriend!

---------------------------------------------------------

Omg I use to have these horrible headaches when I was under the sun too much
And I thought it was just for a while
But now I guess its back
And its bad
I just went down for a walk and it was so hot
But I had a headache immediately
And felt like crying so bad
I came home and it was fine but now its hurting again
And I cant even lie down coz I feel like my whole head is gonna explode..
Ergh… I feel sick…

scaling issues

Well today the whole weight thing came up between us and I feel even worst about myself. I mean I know from the beginning how much I hate my weight but I never thought I would tell him. Ergh but I did I! I just cant keep my mouth shut and not tell him. And can u imagine even he is lighter than me gosh that sucks big time. Well I am proud of myself that I haven’t eaten a full meal only waffles so far and probably a little of shalom’s instant noodles for the past 3 or 4 days. And its ok but I am reali reali hungry now. Ergh gosh I am even blogging it its even worse. Well this is one side of my insecurities and there is so much more which will probably unravel itself along the way.
Anyways I can still fit into my skits so that’s fine and now I am aiming to lose a little weight so I can wear my red schoolgirl skirt then I’ll try to aim for some other skirt which I haven’t worn before because its too small. I only need to lose less than 10 k and then I am fine with myself. Haha ok I feel better knowing I only have to lose less than 10. hahahahahah. Ok my stop is coming soon. Bye.

wake up for the tv...

omg for the first after god knows how long
i woke up and went straight to to the tv...
i havent done that for so long...
i'd watch cartoons and survivor and all sorts of nonsense....
but recently i'd wake up and switch on my laptop and watch the oc
but i didnt today probably coz i knew baby wouldnt be online...
hmmm well baby seems to be fine and thats good...
miss you lots!!!
wanted to go for breakfast with shal but nah
i'm still mad at her... hmph
i seem to have alot to say here...
my legs are aching so bad and gosh i still cant believe
how i endured dance yesterday...
i have never perspired so much in an air conditioned room
and yesterday was unbeliveable...
ergh... cant even walk down the stairs...

laughing in pain

Oh my gosh
Dance was torture today…
We did martial arts… hello does my face look like I do martial arts
Anyways I was pushed to my limits today
Firstly I regret drinking the cappuccino because I felt like vomiting during dance
More like torture session well I couldn’t help it
Wanted to eat but my damn jaw hurts
Felt as if I was punched in the face
But I don’t remember getting into a fight though
Hmmm well I’m still suffering coz I used so much thigh muscles today
Which have never been used before and gosh
It aches so bad…just to walk..
The damn sty on my eye hurts like hell too..
Ergh…
Baby is up ok bye…

a month now and many more to come

well hols have been on for 3 weeks and coming to an end this sunday
have to get new clothes soon
and definetely more earrings
i found myself addicted to coffee again quite recently
and its disturbing
i mean i used to drink coffee like water and had to have it every little while
it took me a while to stop
and i was proud of myself
but now its started again and its reali bad
i mean ergh as it is i am dealing with my stupid weight issues
and this is so not helping...
baby is sick like really bad
and i feel bad that i cant be there for him
i wish i could and its making it so much harder to wait
i told shal alot about McXotic today
and all the reali sweet things he says
and i realized how wonderful you are
and how much i've fallen for you
not that i've not realized this before but its much deeper now
and well honey its 1 month now...
and i have no idea how you are or where you are
i just hope everything is fine and that you are better..

its still 23 months more...
just lesser days...
i'm missing you so much!

hey ya

ha wow its gonna be a month in a few days time and thats so fast..
i mean i can just remember chatting with you when i was in school
and the messages on friendster..
haha surprisingly long messages... and i used to look forward to them
if only the months pass that fast you'll be here soon enough..
well i am doing my own little countdown so yeah
its funny i was telling him about this story i heard a long long time ago
about somewhere in the world god made your perfect soul mate for you
and he heard the same thing too
and its so cool..
he is more than halfway around the world
gosh...
i think if you met me the day b4 u left you wouldnt be able to bring yourself to leave..
well hmmm been under the weather and still under
and poor baby is sick too...
well oh that day went to 7 hours i think...
gosh we talk for so long and sometimes i wonder how come i have so much to say..
gosh i was supposed to lose weight during the hols
but i put on
OMG!! that is so bad..
well i still have a week to starve..hahas. works like a charm..
ooh i got new earrings!!!
ice cream and chocolate!!
i'm stil not satisfied need to get more earrings..
there was a donut one but i wonder why i didnt get that...
hahas i finally became a member and hahaha i am so gonna get more next week after i color my hair.
still deciding what color.. maybe i'll do auburn again and then get blonde highlights..
oooh wouldnt that be fine.. ok stop dreaming.. hahas..